I want to spread some holiday cheer but I need your help. If you have a post about the holidays, leave a comment or an excerpt below with a link to your post so we can all enjoy it.
Monday, February 28, 2005
I send my kids to school to get an education so they can grow up and maintain a decent blog and what do they come home with???
Kennel cough.
For the past week, my house has sounded like a TB ward but it passed and I didn’t get sick. Until today, that is.
I pay all these taxes that supposedly go to the board of education, I take my kids in for their annual rabies and distemper, I do the things I’m asked to do and they still come home diseased.
My head is so congested I think I’m going to rent a sewer snake and run it through my sinuses.
I feel like I’m about to sneeze…I’ve felt this way for 12 hours…you know the saying about cutting your nose off to spite your face? Yeah…I can relate to that one really well right now. I’m tempted to stuff a fork up my nose to itch the back of my eyeballs.
I haven’t been sick since I quit smoking 4 years ago so I’m not used to it anymore, hence, the whining.
Is anyone else anticipating the release of Madagascar? I HAVE TO see that movie.
Kennel cough.
For the past week, my house has sounded like a TB ward but it passed and I didn’t get sick. Until today, that is.
I pay all these taxes that supposedly go to the board of education, I take my kids in for their annual rabies and distemper, I do the things I’m asked to do and they still come home diseased.
My head is so congested I think I’m going to rent a sewer snake and run it through my sinuses.
I feel like I’m about to sneeze…I’ve felt this way for 12 hours…you know the saying about cutting your nose off to spite your face? Yeah…I can relate to that one really well right now. I’m tempted to stuff a fork up my nose to itch the back of my eyeballs.
I haven’t been sick since I quit smoking 4 years ago so I’m not used to it anymore, hence, the whining.
Is anyone else anticipating the release of Madagascar? I HAVE TO see that movie.
It’s Girl Scout Cookie time. The little pushers are out there selling their drug to an unsuspecting public again. Personally, I’m addicted to the Samoa cookies because one of these little demons pitched them so well I involuntarily purchased a box. Admitting I have the addiction is step 1 in a 12-step process. I haven’t made much progress beyond that.
I can devour an entire box of these things at one sitting. I’m hooked, but I
have to wait for 12 months to get another fix. Everybody knows that this is an
annual drive so when it’s time to buy again, they stock up. The Girl Scout’s
marketing genius is second only to pushers, pimps, and Trump. They know how to sell.
Just like crack, these cookies bring the Scouts a 500% profit margin but
we’re happy to pay the price because it’s the only way to stop the night
tremors and cold sweat. The Girl Scouts own America. One day, you’ll get a
phone call from a little girl who whispers an operative phrase that triggers a
post hypnotic suggestion. Next thing you know, you’ll be running around in a
skirt selling cookies to your neighbors…or guns to the local street gang…or
oil to the U.N.
No one will think anything of it because we will all be in the same
mindless stupor. We are on the road to becoming Girl Scout zombies and it’s
all due to these overpriced devil disks covered with chocolate and a hint of
mint. We’ll wake up in the morning with chocolate all over our face, hands and
clothing and no memory of the previous evening’s events. Your urge to call the
police will be suppressed by a stronger urge to have a shortcake cookie with
your morning coffee.
The only “people” not affected by these morsels of evil are the Girl Scouts
themselves. Like any successful cartel, they don’t consume their own product.
I have Australian friends who would contend that this merely effects the U.S…tell
me that the next time you’re sucking coffee through a Tim Tam. I believe this is
an attempt by the Girl Scouts to go international.
So tell me, which Girl Scout Cookie are you addicted to?
I can devour an entire box of these things at one sitting. I’m hooked, but I
have to wait for 12 months to get another fix. Everybody knows that this is an
annual drive so when it’s time to buy again, they stock up. The Girl Scout’s
marketing genius is second only to pushers, pimps, and Trump. They know how to sell.
Just like crack, these cookies bring the Scouts a 500% profit margin but
we’re happy to pay the price because it’s the only way to stop the night
tremors and cold sweat. The Girl Scouts own America. One day, you’ll get a
phone call from a little girl who whispers an operative phrase that triggers a
post hypnotic suggestion. Next thing you know, you’ll be running around in a
skirt selling cookies to your neighbors…or guns to the local street gang…or
oil to the U.N.
No one will think anything of it because we will all be in the same
mindless stupor. We are on the road to becoming Girl Scout zombies and it’s
all due to these overpriced devil disks covered with chocolate and a hint of
mint. We’ll wake up in the morning with chocolate all over our face, hands and
clothing and no memory of the previous evening’s events. Your urge to call the
police will be suppressed by a stronger urge to have a shortcake cookie with
your morning coffee.
The only “people” not affected by these morsels of evil are the Girl Scouts
themselves. Like any successful cartel, they don’t consume their own product.
I have Australian friends who would contend that this merely effects the U.S…tell
me that the next time you’re sucking coffee through a Tim Tam. I believe this is
an attempt by the Girl Scouts to go international.
So tell me, which Girl Scout Cookie are you addicted to?
The Second Mistake: Fast Cars
Do you remember what you did on Christmas Eve Day, 1979?
When I was in my teens, the only used cars available were muscle cars (for the most part)
This is bad for a teenaged boy with a driver's license.
One of my first cars was a 1965 Oldsmobile F85 Cutless.
For the gear heads…
Engine: 425 C.I.D. (Super Rocket)
Horsepower: 310
Transmission: Power Glide 2 speed
For the laymen…
Fast.
I thought it was pretty strange that the transmission only had “low” and “drive” in fact, I thought they just left the 2nd gear selection out for some reason. I had no idea that my car had a transmission that was designed for drag racing .
On Christmas Eve, 1979, I decided to see what this car could do.
We have a 10-mile section of freeway just north of Detroit that was intended to be a bypass. Back in 1979, it wasn’t traveled heavily so I thought it would be a great place to open up the engine and let the horses loose.
There’s a light at the beginning of the freeway and a light at the end of the freeway. This was perfect; it was like a 10-mile long drag strip. The light turned green and I shoved the accelerator to the floor. The tires broke traction and I left traffic in a cloud of smoke. It was exhilarating.
I sped along the pavement at a blinding clip paying more attention to the speedometer than the road. My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my ears.
I never noticed the police officer sitting on an entrance ramp, clocking traffic. I just held my foot to the floor.
Ten miles later, I reached the end of the freeway and had to stop for the traffic signal. It had just turned red as I approached it so I sat for a while waiting for it to turn green. Just as I began to move through the green light, I saw another color of light in my rearview mirror. It was an alternating red and blue light perched atop a state patrol car. This guy was moving so fast, I thought he was going to park in my trunk.
I pulled over immediately and the police officer walked up to my car with his hand on his pistol. His first words to me were, “thought you were gonna get away from me…didn’t you?”
“No sir,” I said, respectfully “I didn’t even know you were behind me”
“That’s because it took me 4 miles to catch up with you”
“Really? Well, I couldn’t see you all the way back there. You would probably still be chasing me if the light hadn’t turned”
“Don’t get smart with me, boy. Let me have your license, registration and proof of insurance…”
“yes sir…”
He took my documentation “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No sir…my speedometer only goes up to 135mph”
“…and that’s what I’m writing you up for; 80 mph over the speed limit (on the freeway), reckless driving, and evading police”
“But sir, I wasn’t evading…”
“This is a summons…be glad I don’t arrest you right here and now. You have a mandatory court appearance. I left the evasion off because I would have to take you in...Merry Christmas”
About a week before my mandatory court date, I received another summons in the mail. This one was also for traffic violations. It turns out that all the tickets I had received in my 6 months of licensed driving have finally caught up to me.
So, I went to my court appointment to be punished. The judge looked over my record as I stood in front of the bench with my father next to me. The judge glared at me with an intimidating look of disapproval then began to read off my list of violations.
When he reached the end of the list he told me that I had accumulated 21 points against my license in 6 months but I had noticed that my Christmas eve violation hadn’t made the list. I stood in silence.
He opened the folder that contained my record. He was stuffing my list of offenses back into when he noticed another page. That second page was filled half way with my Christmas Eve joy ride.
The judge said, “did you drive to court today?”
“Yes sir”
“Do you have your license with you?”
“Yes sir”
“You can hand that to me now and come back to pick it up in 12 months.”
I was devastated.
It was 15 years before I received another speeding ticket and my record has been impeccable since.
I have been pulled over a few times since but not ticketed. That’s another story.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Play the audio file while you read this post.
Have you ever told someone that you have a blog only to have them look at you like you’re an alien? Why do people think blogging is for those who don’t have a life or can’t make friends in the “real world?”
I think it’s because there are idiots out there that know nothing about today’s technology and are content to bad mouth the things they don’t understand. Mike Gallagher is one of these individuals. He doesn’t get it. He has a blog, but he says it’s nothing more than an online journal. Then he turns around and slams everyone else that has a blog.
I sent the full mp3 to the doctors for analysis and I’m looking forward to the results. That is, if they decide it’s worth a closer look.
I think Mr. Gallagher is afraid his listening audience is going to drop because information is readily available online while radio is scheduled programming. I feel the same way about print journalists. They know that many bloggers are better writers than they are. They are envious that we have the front page every day on our sites while they are stuck with 6th page fashion trends. In an attempt to write that Pulitzer winning story they slam blogs.
Back to Mike:
He sounds a bit paranoid and even mentions that bloggers send out thousands of email to people whether they like it or not.
He has the blogosphere pegged as a bunch of stalkers that spam the inboxes of the world with newsletters designed to push agendas. I got this from Jeff Blogworthy. He has the entire mp3 (10 minutes) on his site.
Although “Blog” was the word of the year for 2004; I think it will be deemed as profanity by the end of 2005.
Don't forget the mystery blog.
Apparently, Hasbro is coming out with a motorized toothbrush that transmits music through your jawbone as you brush your teeth. So the person using it is the only one to hear the tunes.
How awesome is that? What a great joke. I'm getting two; one for Dr. Smellgood, and one for Drama Mama (I love my kids...really) but I won't tell them about the music. Let's just let them think they're crazy for a while.
How awesome is that? What a great joke. I'm getting two; one for Dr. Smellgood, and one for Drama Mama (I love my kids...really) but I won't tell them about the music. Let's just let them think they're crazy for a while.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Long, long ago a blog was born.
That's right; A blog was born just the other day, it came into the world in the usual way but there were planes to catch, bills to pay...well, you get the drift.
Is that too over the top? Yeah, I thought so. Look, it's the weekend so I thought I would provide you with some reading from the early days. I'm taking you all the way back to November, 2004. This is a post I wrote before I had readers. I was holding this story in my gut, ready to burst, when a friend (hi Sara) suggested I start a blog.
What a great idea! So I wrote this mildy entertaining account of my week long adventure and no one read it. The tale faded to the archives to be lost forever. So, I've decided to replay it because I have readers now and I think they will enjoy the read so, read on.
The first post.
That's right; A blog was born just the other day, it came into the world in the usual way but there were planes to catch, bills to pay...well, you get the drift.
Is that too over the top? Yeah, I thought so. Look, it's the weekend so I thought I would provide you with some reading from the early days. I'm taking you all the way back to November, 2004. This is a post I wrote before I had readers. I was holding this story in my gut, ready to burst, when a friend (hi Sara) suggested I start a blog.
What a great idea! So I wrote this mildy entertaining account of my week long adventure and no one read it. The tale faded to the archives to be lost forever. So, I've decided to replay it because I have readers now and I think they will enjoy the read so, read on.
The first post.
I've bounced around quite a few political blogs today and finally realized that I'm fed up.
The political arena in America has become more of a circus than at any other time. The relevent issues have been driven so far into the ground that new spins need to be created in order to keep the public interested. I think we could all use a dose of disinterest and apathy for a while.
Therefore, this is my announcement that I intend to run for President of the United States of America.
This is not an anti-Bush campaign; this is an anti-politics campaign.
Here’s the short list of reasons why you should vote for me:
- I’m not rich
- I’m not educated beyond my ability to reason but I’m intelligent enough to recognize an idiot
- I'm apolitical
- I don’t speak with any discernable dialect
- I have a sense of humor
- I tried drugs in college (what of it?)
- My military service cannot be questioned and was mundane enough that the media wouldn’t even consider writing about it.
- I openly use passive voice when I write because I’m not hung up on irrelevant details.
- I couldn’t care less about pleasing the constituency.
- I intend to abolish/imprison/excommunicate lobbyists
- Reelection is meaningless to me. I only want 4 years.
- I don’t fancy being President; I just want to put a stop to the idiocy.
- I’ve retained enough skeletons in my closet to keep the media interested but I have nothing that can land me in prison.
The full list of reasons is endless.
Can I get a little poli-love here?
I feel better now.
Here's your chance to vie for a cabinet position.
Before I changed my URL, I was an adorable rodent in the TTLB Ecosystem. Now I'm a Slithering reptile because people haven't updated their blogrolls (or have deleted me altogether). I tried to merge the two sites but it didn't change anything.
I'm sure you'll agree that an adorable rodent is much more desireable than a slithering reptile (for most).
Please try to do your part to make me a fuzzy rat again. I implore you.
Blogroll Me!
UPDATE:
One of my readers made me realize that this sounds like a numbers game.
I assure you that I'm after the name...not the numbers.
I just want to be adorable again.
I'm sure you'll agree that an adorable rodent is much more desireable than a slithering reptile (for most).
Please try to do your part to make me a fuzzy rat again. I implore you.
Blogroll Me!
UPDATE:
One of my readers made me realize that this sounds like a numbers game.
I assure you that I'm after the name...not the numbers.
I just want to be adorable again.
No explanation to anything is ever wholly simple but I think this story will help my readers understand a little about why I am…well, the way I am.
I have two sisters, an older one and a younger one. This makes me, not only gender unique among my siblings, but a middle child as well. History dictates that I was screwed from the inception of my meaningless…I mean, fulfilling life. My older sister wasn’t satisfied that I was destined to grow up as a smoldering heap of squalid dysfunction, she had to add a plug-in for my already malfunctioning software.
There was a particular morning that my mother had placed my sister and me in the living room together while she tended her Carol Brady type tasks. My sister was in one corner of the room playing with one of those peg board things with the little mallet and I was in an opposite corner doing whatever it was I did back then.
I was 18 months and my sister was pushing 3 years. Being the eldest child, my sister should have been the mature one but that wasn’t the case on this fine Detroit morning. She was overcome by sibling rivalry. I still don’t understand how I could have been her rival when all I knew how to do was drool, cry, eat, and lounge in my own feces but my ever resourceful sister saw something in me that evaded discernment by everyone else.
My Mother, while in the kitchen, heard me scream and came loping in (as any good non Spock following mother in the early 60s would do). She found me in my corner pitching a hissy fit whilst my sister sat quietly in her corner staring at me with a baffled look on her manipulative mug. Mom calmed me down and went on with her June Cleaver-esque tasks.
I appeared to be a spoiled brat as I began to scream again causing her to drop everything in order to satisfy my need for attention. This time, however, my screams matched pitch and quality of the Smokey Robinson tune playing on the console stereo next to me. (or so I suspect).
Once more, I was in my corner acting like a demon possessed idiot as my scheming devil of a sister sat in her corner like the little angel everyone believed her to be.
Incidentally, this is the same sister that conned me into drinking a pint of gasoline.
So, mom eased my emotions and trotted off to play Harriet Nelson.
Or so we thought…
Mom, cunning as she was…hid around the corner to see what was going on. My sister stood up and walked over to me. Her walk was calm, cold, and calculated like that of a serial killer. She reached my corner of the room and began to beat my head with the little wooden mallet that came with her peg board.
She was intercepted by mom as she skipped merrily back to her corner.
The rest is just a blur but I know I was vindicated.
I have two sisters, an older one and a younger one. This makes me, not only gender unique among my siblings, but a middle child as well. History dictates that I was screwed from the inception of my meaningless…I mean, fulfilling life. My older sister wasn’t satisfied that I was destined to grow up as a smoldering heap of squalid dysfunction, she had to add a plug-in for my already malfunctioning software.
There was a particular morning that my mother had placed my sister and me in the living room together while she tended her Carol Brady type tasks. My sister was in one corner of the room playing with one of those peg board things with the little mallet and I was in an opposite corner doing whatever it was I did back then.
I was 18 months and my sister was pushing 3 years. Being the eldest child, my sister should have been the mature one but that wasn’t the case on this fine Detroit morning. She was overcome by sibling rivalry. I still don’t understand how I could have been her rival when all I knew how to do was drool, cry, eat, and lounge in my own feces but my ever resourceful sister saw something in me that evaded discernment by everyone else.
My Mother, while in the kitchen, heard me scream and came loping in (as any good non Spock following mother in the early 60s would do). She found me in my corner pitching a hissy fit whilst my sister sat quietly in her corner staring at me with a baffled look on her manipulative mug. Mom calmed me down and went on with her June Cleaver-esque tasks.
I appeared to be a spoiled brat as I began to scream again causing her to drop everything in order to satisfy my need for attention. This time, however, my screams matched pitch and quality of the Smokey Robinson tune playing on the console stereo next to me. (or so I suspect).
Once more, I was in my corner acting like a demon possessed idiot as my scheming devil of a sister sat in her corner like the little angel everyone believed her to be.
Incidentally, this is the same sister that conned me into drinking a pint of gasoline.
So, mom eased my emotions and trotted off to play Harriet Nelson.
Or so we thought…
Mom, cunning as she was…hid around the corner to see what was going on. My sister stood up and walked over to me. Her walk was calm, cold, and calculated like that of a serial killer. She reached my corner of the room and began to beat my head with the little wooden mallet that came with her peg board.
She was intercepted by mom as she skipped merrily back to her corner.
The rest is just a blur but I know I was vindicated.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
If you don't feel like reading this entire post, why not just visit my mystery blog of the day? It's on the sidebar.
Do well meaning friends send you emails asking you to forward them to everyone in your contact list? I've been hit with a lot of these lately and it's prompted me to pull one of my favorites from the archives. Some of you may have seen this one already, but for those who haven't...enjoy:
My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.
My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when i try to breathe.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.
I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, " don't cry, mommy and " and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, the too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, bill gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.
Then they will come back to earth and go to the pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.
Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10
If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell.
What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me.
I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank you,
Billy " smiles " Evans
Please help Billy now... do it... for me... for the children... for your community.
Do well meaning friends send you emails asking you to forward them to everyone in your contact list? I've been hit with a lot of these lately and it's prompted me to pull one of my favorites from the archives. Some of you may have seen this one already, but for those who haven't...enjoy:
My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.
My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when i try to breathe.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.
I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, " don't cry, mommy and " and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, the too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, bill gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.
Then they will come back to earth and go to the pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.
Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10
If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell.
What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me.
I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank you,
Billy " smiles " Evans
Please help Billy now... do it... for me... for the children... for your community.
This evening I was in the living room saving the world...or something like that, when I heard the famliar sound of teen attitude coming from the laundry room.
Apparently, Dr. Smellgood didn't like something his Mother had said to him and stormed off to his room.
My impecible timing put me in the laundry room shortly after this little incident. I asked Mrs. Muzikdude what had happened. She told me not to worry about it because it was no big deal.
I asked, "Is he being a jerk?"
She replied with the tone of a caring Mother, "He isn't a jerk, he's just misunderstood"
We looked at each other in silence for a few seconds then burst into uncontrollable laughter.
God, I love her.
(Don't forget to visit the Mystery Blog on my sidebar. It might just be your own site!)
Apparently, Dr. Smellgood didn't like something his Mother had said to him and stormed off to his room.
My impecible timing put me in the laundry room shortly after this little incident. I asked Mrs. Muzikdude what had happened. She told me not to worry about it because it was no big deal.
I asked, "Is he being a jerk?"
She replied with the tone of a caring Mother, "He isn't a jerk, he's just misunderstood"
We looked at each other in silence for a few seconds then burst into uncontrollable laughter.
God, I love her.
(Don't forget to visit the Mystery Blog on my sidebar. It might just be your own site!)
Do you have issues? I can help. It doesn't matter whether or not your problems are your fault or the fault of another, I am your one stop resource center for pulling your life together.
Is there something bugging you? Has it been hanging over your head and you can't seem to shake it? Well go here and on the 9th of March you can celebrate freedom from whatever it is that's been making you act the way you do.
Do you think life sucks?
Theoretically, you would call the number below whenever you're having a bad day, whenever you need cheering up, or whenever you need help keeping things in perspective.
It Could Always Suck More: 781-382-3756
Are you a hottie? Do you have a difficult time with all those people hitting on you, asking for your number? Do you give out fake digits to the hoards of fans clamoring at your feet? Yeah, the rest of us feel your pain. How about giving a break to the poor people who's number you keep giving out?
No, you're not full of yourself. You just aren't confrontational. Go to rejection hotline .com. There are numbers available in almost every state. Your stalkers will get a message that says something like
Are your friends sick of listening to your whining? Have they stopped offering their shoulders for you to cry on? Has your incessant complaining become senseless drivel? Well who needs them anyway? Go here and get the comfort you long for.
That's right, people, it's my life long ambition to help YOU. That's what I do. I'm a professional selfless helper dude.
If you have a problem, I have the solution.
Is there something bugging you? Has it been hanging over your head and you can't seem to shake it? Well go here and on the 9th of March you can celebrate freedom from whatever it is that's been making you act the way you do.
Do you think life sucks?
Theoretically, you would call the number below whenever you're having a bad day, whenever you need cheering up, or whenever you need help keeping things in perspective.
It Could Always Suck More: 781-382-3756
Are you a hottie? Do you have a difficult time with all those people hitting on you, asking for your number? Do you give out fake digits to the hoards of fans clamoring at your feet? Yeah, the rest of us feel your pain. How about giving a break to the poor people who's number you keep giving out?
No, you're not full of yourself. You just aren't confrontational. Go to rejection hotline .com. There are numbers available in almost every state. Your stalkers will get a message that says something like
"The person who gave you this number obviously did not want you to have their real number. Maybe you're just not this person's type.... This could mean short, fat, ugly, dumb, annoying, arrogant or just a general loser. Maybe you suffer from bad breath, body odor or even both. Maybe you just give off that creepy, overbearing, psycho-stalker vibe. Maybe the idea of going out with you just seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.
Thank you for calling"
Are your friends sick of listening to your whining? Have they stopped offering their shoulders for you to cry on? Has your incessant complaining become senseless drivel? Well who needs them anyway? Go here and get the comfort you long for.
That's right, people, it's my life long ambition to help YOU. That's what I do. I'm a professional selfless helper dude.
If you have a problem, I have the solution.
Your mission for the day:
Look to my sidebar for the mystery box. Click on it. Go to the linked blog and say hi. If I chose your blog as the mystery blog then tell me how grateful you are and have a nice day.
Do it. Now.
Wow, that was simple.
ADDENDUM:
I plan to update the mystery site daily. The reason I'm doing this is because there are some really nice people out there with really cool blogs and it seems like not many people know about them. This is my way to build the community.
Look to my sidebar for the mystery box. Click on it. Go to the linked blog and say hi. If I chose your blog as the mystery blog then tell me how grateful you are and have a nice day.
Do it. Now.
Wow, that was simple.
ADDENDUM:
I plan to update the mystery site daily. The reason I'm doing this is because there are some really nice people out there with really cool blogs and it seems like not many people know about them. This is my way to build the community.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
I was about 4 when I realized that girls had a controlling power over me. I was raised with two sisters who, inevitably, had friends that were also girls. As any true comedian knows, one must do anything it takes for a laugh... and I was a true comedian.
My older sister and a couple of her friends were hanging out in our garage trying to escape the hot summer sun when I entered. I began to clown around while they ignored me. The heat must have taken its toll on the girls because it seemed that I could do nothing to seize their interest.
I picked up a small gasoline can in the corner of the garage and acted as if I were going to drink it…They giggled a bit and dared me to go through with it. I finally had their attention but, luckily, there is no way I was stupid enough to drink that gasoline. Everyone has their limits.
I got a pint down before I couldn’t drink anymore. My Mother was in the house when my sister walked in, laughing. She told my Mom that I drank gasoline. Mom…freaked with a capital PH.
I remember drinking water. Much water. So much water in fact that I thought I was going to drown.
I got a ride to the hospital in an ambulance but I barely remember it because my level of consciousness was slipping into a haze. The lack of alertness came in handy at the hospital because I barely remember the stomach pump.
I was released to go home after a short bout with chemical pneumonia and lived a somewhat normal childhood. To this day, I won’t even siphon gas for fear of ingesting even a drop.
Lesson learned: Girls are the Devil.
I installed Word Press on my server last week and played with it for a while to see if I wanted to use it. I love it, but the latest version uses a different format for templates and it seems like no one supports them. Nicola, at Creative Designz, is becoming my new best friend. She suggested I go with Moveable Type.
Since I had just taken a full week to understand how Word Press operates, how it’s set up, and how to tweak it, I wasn’t sure if I just wanted to dump it and start over with MT. Nicola told me she could install and configure MT for me, so I’m taking her up on it.
I really like the design ideas she has for me and I think I’ve found one that I’m going to use. I would suggest Creative Designs to anyone who wants a fresh look for their place, whether it’s a blog or other type of site. Nicola has made change a pleasurable experience for me so I thought I would plug her business.
Question of the millennium:
I haven’t played with Moveable Type yet, so can someone give me a quick list of pros and cons for MT and WP?
Since I had just taken a full week to understand how Word Press operates, how it’s set up, and how to tweak it, I wasn’t sure if I just wanted to dump it and start over with MT. Nicola told me she could install and configure MT for me, so I’m taking her up on it.
I really like the design ideas she has for me and I think I’ve found one that I’m going to use. I would suggest Creative Designs to anyone who wants a fresh look for their place, whether it’s a blog or other type of site. Nicola has made change a pleasurable experience for me so I thought I would plug her business.
Question of the millennium:
I haven’t played with Moveable Type yet, so can someone give me a quick list of pros and cons for MT and WP?
Sunday, February 20, 2005
I have an uncanny knack for recognizing a great deal. I married Mrs. Muzikdude after all.
When I was in high school, I remember hearing about a company that was starting up and the reporter mentioned that their stock might be a good investment at $15 per share. I thought to myself, “Who would ever buy stock in a company called Microsoft?”
I swore that would be the last good opportunity I let pass me by.
So when I came across Blogging! magazine I knew this would be something great. I begged and pleaded with them to let me help get the word out and they agreed.
I need this magazine
I’ve been authorized to offer you two free months of Blogging! Magazine just to get you hooked on it. You can’t go wrong here. No obligation, no money, no kidding! Put your credit card away because the two free months are a gift...period.
I can't live without reading this
If you have the same knack as me for recognizing a bargain then you can subscribe for a year before the release of March 1st at a discounted rate. If you blog, you need this.
blogging! is the key to world peace
Read on...because this post is entertaining at the very least.
this is not subliminal marketing
I'm not selling anything. No iPods, no Blog Explosion credits, no magazines...that's right. I'm not selling anything. I'm giving it away. (and you thought Gmail invites were cool)
blogging! magazine...good for me
Do you desire a better job? Higher pay? A new girlfriend? Do you want to be good looking again? Maybe eternal youth? Do you want powers like x-ray vision or superhuman strength? Well, I can't help you there but I can tell you how to stay on the cutting edge of all things blog.
blogging! magazine=euphoria
What is blogging! magazine?
blogging! magazine is an all digital online magazine avaliable in Adobe Acrobat PDF format each month. Featuring a plethora of content including blog and blogosphere news, reviews, commentary, reviews, tips, tricks and much more. This magazine is jam-packed with the content you want.
blogging! Magazine will make me smart
Don’t be that lonely blogger sitting on the sidelines with your peers pointing fingers, laughing at you, because you didn’t get in on the ground level of the next internet breakthrough. This is serious stuff that everyone will be reading. We’ll all be discussing stories that we’ve read in Blogging! Magazine and you’ll be left not knowing what’s going on. Dare I say this may very well be the Wall Street Journal of blogging?
I want to be accepted...blogging! magazine will help
The first issue addresses things like site traffic and what it costs to increase it, a Blog-City review, and an interview with Mark Jen (Google blogger terminated from Google within 2 weeks). You can’t get this stuff anywhere else. There’s finance, review, and drama all in the first issue! This should be a desk reference, not a magazine.
incidentally, I need to blogroll The Sound Of Muzik
I know this sounds like a pitch, but I really believe this magazine is going to take off. I’ve talked to the people involved with its creation and I’m sold on it. Check it out at the very least. Use this link and get two months free of charge. That’s it. Keep your first born…keep not only your right arm but the leg too…no need to refinance the house. This magazine is yours free for two months and beyond that, it’s quite affordable.
When I was in high school, I remember hearing about a company that was starting up and the reporter mentioned that their stock might be a good investment at $15 per share. I thought to myself, “Who would ever buy stock in a company called Microsoft?”
I swore that would be the last good opportunity I let pass me by.
So when I came across Blogging! magazine I knew this would be something great. I begged and pleaded with them to let me help get the word out and they agreed.
I’ve been authorized to offer you two free months of Blogging! Magazine just to get you hooked on it. You can’t go wrong here. No obligation, no money, no kidding! Put your credit card away because the two free months are a gift...period.
If you have the same knack as me for recognizing a bargain then you can subscribe for a year before the release of March 1st at a discounted rate. If you blog, you need this.
Read on...because this post is entertaining at the very least.
I'm not selling anything. No iPods, no Blog Explosion credits, no magazines...that's right. I'm not selling anything. I'm giving it away. (and you thought Gmail invites were cool)
Do you desire a better job? Higher pay? A new girlfriend? Do you want to be good looking again? Maybe eternal youth? Do you want powers like x-ray vision or superhuman strength? Well, I can't help you there but I can tell you how to stay on the cutting edge of all things blog.
What is blogging! magazine?
blogging! magazine is an all digital online magazine avaliable in Adobe Acrobat PDF format each month. Featuring a plethora of content including blog and blogosphere news, reviews, commentary, reviews, tips, tricks and much more. This magazine is jam-packed with the content you want.
Don’t be that lonely blogger sitting on the sidelines with your peers pointing fingers, laughing at you, because you didn’t get in on the ground level of the next internet breakthrough. This is serious stuff that everyone will be reading. We’ll all be discussing stories that we’ve read in Blogging! Magazine and you’ll be left not knowing what’s going on. Dare I say this may very well be the Wall Street Journal of blogging?
The first issue addresses things like site traffic and what it costs to increase it, a Blog-City review, and an interview with Mark Jen (Google blogger terminated from Google within 2 weeks). You can’t get this stuff anywhere else. There’s finance, review, and drama all in the first issue! This should be a desk reference, not a magazine.
I know this sounds like a pitch, but I really believe this magazine is going to take off. I’ve talked to the people involved with its creation and I’m sold on it. Check it out at the very least. Use this link and get two months free of charge. That’s it. Keep your first born…keep not only your right arm but the leg too…no need to refinance the house. This magazine is yours free for two months and beyond that, it’s quite affordable.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
As many of you already know, my blog has won a makeover. Nicola at Creative Designz contacted me to discuss the new look. I used two (wordy) paragraphs to describe my blog. After I had sent the email it dawned on me that I could have used an analogy to describe this site and saved us both some time.
I pondered for about 5 minutes and came up with:
How would you analogize your own blog?
I pondered for about 5 minutes and came up with:
My site is like the one ply toilet paper in the blogosphere's bathroom.
It may be uncomfortable but it gets the job done and while some may
complain about it, they would surely miss it if it weren't there.
How would you analogize your own blog?
I talk on the phone the same way I shop.
I see a goal, I reach the goal, I have closure.
Mrs. Muzikdude thinks my phone conversations lack a certain level of communication because I can hang up without knowing the color of my friends underwear or whether or not he’s had a vasectomy. She also wonders why I don’t call people just to talk.
I do talk. It’s our daughter that sits on the phone without speaking…for hours. I say what I need to say in order to accomplish a set objective, then I’m done. What more is there to do?
Hang up.
If a friend of mine can’t meet the group at Starbucks, that’s fine, I don't need to know why and I surely don’t desire to clutter my mind with details that I’ll only forget in an hour anyway. If I ever do ask for details, it’s only because Mrs. Muzikdude is sitting next to me and I know she requires the knowledge in order to put her mind to rest. I’m willing to make that concession for her mental well-being.
That’s because, when it comes to Mrs. Muzikdude, I’m willing to go the extra mile.
As far as shopping goes, the only department I spend excess amounts of time in is the tool section. I’m not allowed to go to Home Depot or Lowes by myself. ‘Nuff said.
There is nothing more painful to a man than to have to stand in the women’s clothes section comparing “outfits”.
I like to make it easier by comparing price tags. Now THAT’S a quick decision.
I know I said I go the extra mile for Mrs. Muzikdude but the women’s clothing section is a bit farther than a mile out of my way. I just wander off to the tools.
Mrs. Muzikdude and I have lost one another in the store on occasion. This used to frustrate me, but now we have cell phones. I just call her if I plan to relocate to electronics. I would say that calling one another while in the same building is over the top, but I've been known to instant message her from the next room in our house.
When Mrs. Muzikdude shops alone, I sometimes think she left me. She can go to JoAnn Fabrics for half a day. I get bored in there after half a minute. It’s just fabric for Pete’s sake. I view hanging out at a fabric store to be about as exciting as folding laundry. Please let me know if there’s a difference.
When I’m alone, I go into a store, grab what I need and hit the first check out line I find (and stay in it). I don’t read tabloid headlines. I don’t know or care what the Olson twins are strung out on. Those things weren’t part of the mission. I just want to pay for my junk and move on to the next item at hand.
Is that so wrong?
I see a goal, I reach the goal, I have closure.
Mrs. Muzikdude thinks my phone conversations lack a certain level of communication because I can hang up without knowing the color of my friends underwear or whether or not he’s had a vasectomy. She also wonders why I don’t call people just to talk.
I do talk. It’s our daughter that sits on the phone without speaking…for hours. I say what I need to say in order to accomplish a set objective, then I’m done. What more is there to do?
Hang up.
If a friend of mine can’t meet the group at Starbucks, that’s fine, I don't need to know why and I surely don’t desire to clutter my mind with details that I’ll only forget in an hour anyway. If I ever do ask for details, it’s only because Mrs. Muzikdude is sitting next to me and I know she requires the knowledge in order to put her mind to rest. I’m willing to make that concession for her mental well-being.
That’s because, when it comes to Mrs. Muzikdude, I’m willing to go the extra mile.
As far as shopping goes, the only department I spend excess amounts of time in is the tool section. I’m not allowed to go to Home Depot or Lowes by myself. ‘Nuff said.
There is nothing more painful to a man than to have to stand in the women’s clothes section comparing “outfits”.
I like to make it easier by comparing price tags. Now THAT’S a quick decision.
I know I said I go the extra mile for Mrs. Muzikdude but the women’s clothing section is a bit farther than a mile out of my way. I just wander off to the tools.
Mrs. Muzikdude and I have lost one another in the store on occasion. This used to frustrate me, but now we have cell phones. I just call her if I plan to relocate to electronics. I would say that calling one another while in the same building is over the top, but I've been known to instant message her from the next room in our house.
When Mrs. Muzikdude shops alone, I sometimes think she left me. She can go to JoAnn Fabrics for half a day. I get bored in there after half a minute. It’s just fabric for Pete’s sake. I view hanging out at a fabric store to be about as exciting as folding laundry. Please let me know if there’s a difference.
When I’m alone, I go into a store, grab what I need and hit the first check out line I find (and stay in it). I don’t read tabloid headlines. I don’t know or care what the Olson twins are strung out on. Those things weren’t part of the mission. I just want to pay for my junk and move on to the next item at hand.
Is that so wrong?
Thursday, February 17, 2005
I was asked why I shop at Wal-Mart. I’ve heard claims that they are a corrupt corporation that mistreats their employees. Well, I just shop there…I don’t work there and unless they are involved in the slave trade, no one else has to work there either.
If employees don’t like the way they’re treated they need to quit. It’s difficult to run a corporation with no employees. Of course, Wally World will just send more jobs overseas. Maybe if we all agreed to work for $100 per week we could keep the jobs here in America.
For the record: The number of new employees Wal-Mart hires each year is 600,000. The company's turnover rate is 44 percent -- close to the retail industry average. See this. People are screaming about all the jobs Wal Mart has overseas...I'm not sure if their considering the number of Wal Mart stores there are abroad. They probably had a difficult time getting Americans to relocate just so they could gather carts from a parking lot in Singapore.
As for the bad neighbor charges against the stores…Wal-Mart doesn’t inadvertently build their stores on random lots. The community votes on whether or not to let them build (I’ve seen it happen more than once). If you don’t like it, try attending a city council meeting every once in awhile. I have no sympathy for those who decide to get involved with their community only after something pisses them off. I’m an advocate of a proactive public. If you do go vote on it and are outnumbered, suck it up like any other American that doesn't get enough votes for their cause...at least you get to vote.
There have been fraudulent tales of dangers in Mal Mart parking lots. Stories such as this are one of the reasons these stores wear the “bad neighbor” label. Who wants a gathering place for the criminally insane in their backyard?
Does Wal Mart attract criminals and seedy characters? I mean, your community was fine before they erected that building, right? Then suddenly, word got out that there was a new hang out for sleaze balls and they all took up residence in your neighborhood. Makes sense to me.
I’ve also heard the story about Wal Mart reselling toys collected for needy children, or about employees having to pay for the store’s flag. Rubbish. Click the links to see what I've found.
Why would someone start rumors like these? Does this company's reputation come from reputable sources or has someone launched a mass hysteria campaign?
I decided to look into it.
Wal Mart apparently has a management handbook that preaches the benefits of a union free workplace. Surely, that will upset someone. The United Food and Commercial Workers Union (UFCW) have waged an all-out war against Wal Mart and are flooding the media with anti corporate propaganda. In fact, they have an entire section of their website dedicated to exposing the evils of Wal Mart. Looks like a pissing contest to me…and the consumers are the unsuspecting pawns in this power struggle.
Kmart has been suffering at the hands of Wal Mart’s “monopolizing of the industry” for years. If Wal Mart is so bad, why doesn’t everyone go over to the Big K? I’ll tell you why: The Big K sucks! They have little selection, and high prices. People shop where the convenience is.
If Wal Mart continues to terrorize the country, (one article I read called them “The beast”) I’m sure good stores like Target will eventually overtake them; unless, of course, Target takes an official anti-union stance.
One thing I’ve found to be true is that any time a company becomes large enough; it seems that subcultures, focused on their demise, start popping up.
It happened to Starbucks.
I love Starbucks but I didn’t want to support the mistreatment of South American and African coffee farmers so I researched the company as well as their critics. After educating myself on the subject, I still drink Starbucks’ coffee.
When we look at the groups that attack these companies, we find that most of them are embellishing extremists looking for a cause. Their articles resort to ad hominem attacks that attempt to rile public emotion. Sadly, they are very effective. The critics become the predators, exploiting any bad publicity they can find about the business.
Any multi-billion dollar corporation will have lawsuits and these fanatics spotlight the cases that the company loses to keep them looking ugly. It seem as if there’s an anti-Wal Mart buzz, which makes me skeptical about all the claims that this is such a horrible conglomerate. I’m willing to believe that there are some mismanaged stores…that’s bound to happen when you’re dealing with as many stores as this. I’m sure there are mistreated employees…with 1.2 million in the US and 330,000 internationally I think the few lawsuits they’ve had reflects a stellar record.
No one is immune to the prodding of negative media and the coercion of lobbyists.
Apparently, Congressman Bill Pascrell wrote a letter to Wal Mart asking them to raise wages and improve working conditions at their stores:
Didn’t these employees know what their wages would be before they were “forced” to work there? Maybe someone with a family of four should have spent more time in their youth working on an education and skill set. Why would a congressional representative write this letter? What business does our government have getting involved with wage policies of a private company? Why didn’t he write a letter to McDonalds? I’ll answer that: because he doesn’t have UFCW lobbyists screaming at him about McDonalds.
.
What surprises me is that a well-educated elected official would use terminology such as “forced to work part time”.
Forced? Really? That’s some accusation; I hope he can back it up.
If I based my image of Wal Mart on the pictures painted by these stories and anti-Wal Mart websites I would view the company as a slave trading, concentration camp that is bent on the downfall of America. That leaves me with one question: Why hasn't Wal Mart been shut down by the Department of Homeland Security?
I’m pretty sure that This corporation realizes the collapse of America’s economy would mean the end of their business. Many companies have sent jobs overseas and we scream and cry about how unpatriotic that is when ultimately, it’s our own fault. We want high paying jobs and a low cost of living. We want higher wages and cheaper goods. Well guess what? Our economy can’t support our desired lifestyles.
All we are doing by boycotting big business is asking them to lower their profit margin to accommodate our desire to have more for less, and we call them greedy.
I’m not the type of person that reads an article or two and jumps on the bandwagon. I like to research the available information and draw my own conclusions.
What I do not agree with is Wal Mart’s trade in China. The U.S. trade deficit with China in 2003 was 120 billion dollars. The amount of Chinese products Wal-Mart estimates it imports each year is 15 billion dollars; others suggest the number may be higher.
I've also heard that the company holds mandatory meetings that their employees are required to attend after their shift ends and they are off the clock. If I were working for them and asked to do this I would go along with it until I found another job...and believe me...I would indeed be looking for another job.
Even with Wal Mart’s low wages (which are barely below the national retail average), their trade in China, and their anti-union posture, I think you will be hard pressed to convince their 100 million shoppers per week to go somewhere else.
If boycotts worked, we would no longer have tobacco producers in America. Consumers are addicted to shopping like smokers are to cigarettes. With all the lawsuits and hooplah raised about Phillip Morris and friends, they are still in business and doing fine. We couldn’t shut them down and they aren’t nearly as big as Wal Mart.
So, if I decide to boycott this company, I will only be inconveniencing myself while doing nothing, whatsoever, in the big scheme of corporate justice and the American public. So please don't look down on me because I shop at Wal Mart, eat the wrong brand of tuna, drink the wrong coffee, drive the wrong vehicle, etc. I'm just living my life at the lowest stress level possible while choosing battles I can win.
Remember, Wal Mart is as big as they are because of us. We've created a monster we can't destroy...in fact, we can't even hurt it.
Yup, that's the American way.
If employees don’t like the way they’re treated they need to quit. It’s difficult to run a corporation with no employees. Of course, Wally World will just send more jobs overseas. Maybe if we all agreed to work for $100 per week we could keep the jobs here in America.
For the record: The number of new employees Wal-Mart hires each year is 600,000. The company's turnover rate is 44 percent -- close to the retail industry average. See this. People are screaming about all the jobs Wal Mart has overseas...I'm not sure if their considering the number of Wal Mart stores there are abroad. They probably had a difficult time getting Americans to relocate just so they could gather carts from a parking lot in Singapore.
As for the bad neighbor charges against the stores…Wal-Mart doesn’t inadvertently build their stores on random lots. The community votes on whether or not to let them build (I’ve seen it happen more than once). If you don’t like it, try attending a city council meeting every once in awhile. I have no sympathy for those who decide to get involved with their community only after something pisses them off. I’m an advocate of a proactive public. If you do go vote on it and are outnumbered, suck it up like any other American that doesn't get enough votes for their cause...at least you get to vote.
There have been fraudulent tales of dangers in Mal Mart parking lots. Stories such as this are one of the reasons these stores wear the “bad neighbor” label. Who wants a gathering place for the criminally insane in their backyard?
Does Wal Mart attract criminals and seedy characters? I mean, your community was fine before they erected that building, right? Then suddenly, word got out that there was a new hang out for sleaze balls and they all took up residence in your neighborhood. Makes sense to me.
I’ve also heard the story about Wal Mart reselling toys collected for needy children, or about employees having to pay for the store’s flag. Rubbish. Click the links to see what I've found.
Why would someone start rumors like these? Does this company's reputation come from reputable sources or has someone launched a mass hysteria campaign?
I decided to look into it.
Wal Mart apparently has a management handbook that preaches the benefits of a union free workplace. Surely, that will upset someone. The United Food and Commercial Workers Union (UFCW) have waged an all-out war against Wal Mart and are flooding the media with anti corporate propaganda. In fact, they have an entire section of their website dedicated to exposing the evils of Wal Mart. Looks like a pissing contest to me…and the consumers are the unsuspecting pawns in this power struggle.
Kmart has been suffering at the hands of Wal Mart’s “monopolizing of the industry” for years. If Wal Mart is so bad, why doesn’t everyone go over to the Big K? I’ll tell you why: The Big K sucks! They have little selection, and high prices. People shop where the convenience is.
If Wal Mart continues to terrorize the country, (one article I read called them “The beast”) I’m sure good stores like Target will eventually overtake them; unless, of course, Target takes an official anti-union stance.
One thing I’ve found to be true is that any time a company becomes large enough; it seems that subcultures, focused on their demise, start popping up.
It happened to Starbucks.
I love Starbucks but I didn’t want to support the mistreatment of South American and African coffee farmers so I researched the company as well as their critics. After educating myself on the subject, I still drink Starbucks’ coffee.
When we look at the groups that attack these companies, we find that most of them are embellishing extremists looking for a cause. Their articles resort to ad hominem attacks that attempt to rile public emotion. Sadly, they are very effective. The critics become the predators, exploiting any bad publicity they can find about the business.
Any multi-billion dollar corporation will have lawsuits and these fanatics spotlight the cases that the company loses to keep them looking ugly. It seem as if there’s an anti-Wal Mart buzz, which makes me skeptical about all the claims that this is such a horrible conglomerate. I’m willing to believe that there are some mismanaged stores…that’s bound to happen when you’re dealing with as many stores as this. I’m sure there are mistreated employees…with 1.2 million in the US and 330,000 internationally I think the few lawsuits they’ve had reflects a stellar record.
No one is immune to the prodding of negative media and the coercion of lobbyists.
Apparently, Congressman Bill Pascrell wrote a letter to Wal Mart asking them to raise wages and improve working conditions at their stores:
“The average Wal-Mart employee earns less than the poverty level for a family of four - only $15,000 per year for full-time work, and most are forced to work part-time.”
Didn’t these employees know what their wages would be before they were “forced” to work there? Maybe someone with a family of four should have spent more time in their youth working on an education and skill set. Why would a congressional representative write this letter? What business does our government have getting involved with wage policies of a private company? Why didn’t he write a letter to McDonalds? I’ll answer that: because he doesn’t have UFCW lobbyists screaming at him about McDonalds.
.
What surprises me is that a well-educated elected official would use terminology such as “forced to work part time”.
Forced? Really? That’s some accusation; I hope he can back it up.
If I based my image of Wal Mart on the pictures painted by these stories and anti-Wal Mart websites I would view the company as a slave trading, concentration camp that is bent on the downfall of America. That leaves me with one question: Why hasn't Wal Mart been shut down by the Department of Homeland Security?
I’m pretty sure that This corporation realizes the collapse of America’s economy would mean the end of their business. Many companies have sent jobs overseas and we scream and cry about how unpatriotic that is when ultimately, it’s our own fault. We want high paying jobs and a low cost of living. We want higher wages and cheaper goods. Well guess what? Our economy can’t support our desired lifestyles.
All we are doing by boycotting big business is asking them to lower their profit margin to accommodate our desire to have more for less, and we call them greedy.
I’m not the type of person that reads an article or two and jumps on the bandwagon. I like to research the available information and draw my own conclusions.
What I do not agree with is Wal Mart’s trade in China. The U.S. trade deficit with China in 2003 was 120 billion dollars. The amount of Chinese products Wal-Mart estimates it imports each year is 15 billion dollars; others suggest the number may be higher.
I've also heard that the company holds mandatory meetings that their employees are required to attend after their shift ends and they are off the clock. If I were working for them and asked to do this I would go along with it until I found another job...and believe me...I would indeed be looking for another job.
Even with Wal Mart’s low wages (which are barely below the national retail average), their trade in China, and their anti-union posture, I think you will be hard pressed to convince their 100 million shoppers per week to go somewhere else.
If boycotts worked, we would no longer have tobacco producers in America. Consumers are addicted to shopping like smokers are to cigarettes. With all the lawsuits and hooplah raised about Phillip Morris and friends, they are still in business and doing fine. We couldn’t shut them down and they aren’t nearly as big as Wal Mart.
So, if I decide to boycott this company, I will only be inconveniencing myself while doing nothing, whatsoever, in the big scheme of corporate justice and the American public. So please don't look down on me because I shop at Wal Mart, eat the wrong brand of tuna, drink the wrong coffee, drive the wrong vehicle, etc. I'm just living my life at the lowest stress level possible while choosing battles I can win.
Remember, Wal Mart is as big as they are because of us. We've created a monster we can't destroy...in fact, we can't even hurt it.
Yup, that's the American way.
This morning’s drive in to work was interesting. Maybe it’s always interesting and I finally noticed this morning…who knows?
It started with a suicidal cat that sat on the curb at the end of my street and lunged at my tire as I passed. I checked in my rearview mirror and saw that the idiot animal survived. I didn’t have time to turn around and give it another chance.
Then, as I approached the first traffic light, I saw that a woman had parked her PT cruiser around a light pole. She was fine but the mangled car was not. As I drove past, my car began to spit and sputter as if it were gagging at the sight of the mechanical carnage. Once out of sight, my car ran fine... weird.
Then I got in line to enter the base. There’s a line every morning since 9/11 and I’ve grown accustomed to it but this morning felt different. There was a lady in front of me that was in an obvious hurry. Her maneuvers of speeding up to the car in front of her and slamming on her brakes every time the line moved were futile in that we weren’t approaching our destination any faster. The lane next to us was moving pretty well so she rudely squeezed her way out of our lane into a gap in the other. I couldn’t help but smile as I passed her. I watched in my rearview as she found a new spot in our lane about 5 cars behind me. It was like the opening scene from Office Space.
Once I reached the gate, I noticed there was a truck with a roll off dumpster that had been pulled to the side for inspection (we inspect all commercial vehicles entering the installation now). It wasn’t the truck that caught my attention, as this is a familiar scene…it was the dog handler and his canine. The dog looked at the truck then looked at his master. I swear I saw sarcasm in the dog’s eyes. It was as if he were trying to say, “YOU go sniff that thing…it isn’t like it’s another dog’s butt…that thing is nasty”.
I came through the gate before I was able to see if the situation was resolved.
On another subject:
I haven’t been around much lately and I’ve missed visiting many of your blogs. I intend to make up for it after I’ve rolled out my Word Press site. Right now, I’m studying for a test I have to take and trying to teach myself PHP because word press doesn’t use straight HTML.
Hope asked me what’s wrong with Blogger. She must have more patience than I do. I’ve found myself waiting for 5 minutes for a post to publish and that’s on a T1. I have cable at home and Blogger makes it feel like a dial up.
Secondly, There is no way to access your Blogger database. I need more flexibility than that. Blogger is difficult to customize... for example; there's a work around to set up categories for a blogger site, but it's cheesy and laborious so I wrote to ask if they planned to add this feature. They replied that they would probably include it in the future. I don't want to wait until I have 1000 posts and have to categorize them all at once. I'm impatient that way.
This is what I see in the future: Blogger will become so popular that their servers won’t be able to keep up. The system will become gradually slower until it crashes and everyone’s data will be lost (at least 6-24 hours worth…I’m sure they back it up). Eventually, Blogger will have to start charging for premium services. Things don’t usually remain free of charge when they become this popular.
I will say this, however, that Google is very good about keeping things free. They make their money from advertising rather than their users so I could be wrong about Blogger. Either way, I want more options for my blog and having the entire platform reside on my server is the best way for me.
It started with a suicidal cat that sat on the curb at the end of my street and lunged at my tire as I passed. I checked in my rearview mirror and saw that the idiot animal survived. I didn’t have time to turn around and give it another chance.
Then, as I approached the first traffic light, I saw that a woman had parked her PT cruiser around a light pole. She was fine but the mangled car was not. As I drove past, my car began to spit and sputter as if it were gagging at the sight of the mechanical carnage. Once out of sight, my car ran fine... weird.
Then I got in line to enter the base. There’s a line every morning since 9/11 and I’ve grown accustomed to it but this morning felt different. There was a lady in front of me that was in an obvious hurry. Her maneuvers of speeding up to the car in front of her and slamming on her brakes every time the line moved were futile in that we weren’t approaching our destination any faster. The lane next to us was moving pretty well so she rudely squeezed her way out of our lane into a gap in the other. I couldn’t help but smile as I passed her. I watched in my rearview as she found a new spot in our lane about 5 cars behind me. It was like the opening scene from Office Space.
Once I reached the gate, I noticed there was a truck with a roll off dumpster that had been pulled to the side for inspection (we inspect all commercial vehicles entering the installation now). It wasn’t the truck that caught my attention, as this is a familiar scene…it was the dog handler and his canine. The dog looked at the truck then looked at his master. I swear I saw sarcasm in the dog’s eyes. It was as if he were trying to say, “YOU go sniff that thing…it isn’t like it’s another dog’s butt…that thing is nasty”.
I came through the gate before I was able to see if the situation was resolved.
On another subject:
I haven’t been around much lately and I’ve missed visiting many of your blogs. I intend to make up for it after I’ve rolled out my Word Press site. Right now, I’m studying for a test I have to take and trying to teach myself PHP because word press doesn’t use straight HTML.
Hope asked me what’s wrong with Blogger. She must have more patience than I do. I’ve found myself waiting for 5 minutes for a post to publish and that’s on a T1. I have cable at home and Blogger makes it feel like a dial up.
Secondly, There is no way to access your Blogger database. I need more flexibility than that. Blogger is difficult to customize... for example; there's a work around to set up categories for a blogger site, but it's cheesy and laborious so I wrote to ask if they planned to add this feature. They replied that they would probably include it in the future. I don't want to wait until I have 1000 posts and have to categorize them all at once. I'm impatient that way.
This is what I see in the future: Blogger will become so popular that their servers won’t be able to keep up. The system will become gradually slower until it crashes and everyone’s data will be lost (at least 6-24 hours worth…I’m sure they back it up). Eventually, Blogger will have to start charging for premium services. Things don’t usually remain free of charge when they become this popular.
I will say this, however, that Google is very good about keeping things free. They make their money from advertising rather than their users so I could be wrong about Blogger. Either way, I want more options for my blog and having the entire platform reside on my server is the best way for me.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
The site was down for a bit because I was in the middle of importing my blogger data to Word Press when I realized I had to be somewhere. Sorry about that.
I’m moving to Word Press because I think I’ve found all the limits in blogger and it’s become a source of frustration for me.
On a lighter note…I was talking on my cell phone today in the parking lot of Wal Mart. Mrs Muzikdude sat there patiently waiting for me to finish my conversation. As I was talking, I began patting down my pockets looking for something and finally gave up as I was on the phone and not really concentrating on the lost object.
After I had finished my conversation, Mrs Muzikdude asked why I was frisking myself while on the phone. I told her I couldn’t remember what I was searching for because, for obvious reasons, I didn’t want to tell her I was looking for my cell phone.
I’m moving to Word Press because I think I’ve found all the limits in blogger and it’s become a source of frustration for me.
On a lighter note…I was talking on my cell phone today in the parking lot of Wal Mart. Mrs Muzikdude sat there patiently waiting for me to finish my conversation. As I was talking, I began patting down my pockets looking for something and finally gave up as I was on the phone and not really concentrating on the lost object.
After I had finished my conversation, Mrs Muzikdude asked why I was frisking myself while on the phone. I told her I couldn’t remember what I was searching for because, for obvious reasons, I didn’t want to tell her I was looking for my cell phone.
Have you ever been impressed by the magnitude of someone’s life? I mean, some people’s lives are almost identical to our own but theirs is more situational.
There exists a family in Washington that has gone beyond my understanding of normalcy. In fact, I have to reassess my perspective of the universe when I consider the lives they lead.
The Mother of this family has a blog and should you visit, genuflection is in order, for you have taken audience with the Queen of parent Blogs.
No, I’m not referring to Genuine, I’m referring to Bonnie at Belle On Her Toes. Bonnie and Husband Bruce have 11 kids…on purpose. This is something I cannot wrap my mind around. Every time I try to comprehend 11 kids, I just think, “That’s a lot of poop” and “that’s a lot of attitude” and “that’s a lot of money”. Their kids range in age from 6 - 24 years.
Man, that’s a lot of kids.
Bonnie and her kids could fill the chairs for first and second violin in the Boston Symphony. Which is fitting since Bonnie is a classical musician. She’s also a fan of Maria Von Trapp. I suspect her fascination with the sinTrapp Family Singers coupled with a love of classical music led her to birth a chamber choir. Maybe there’s a musical agenda of which we are all unaware.
Bruce is a violinist, and engineer. This guy is using both sides of his brain. I’m not sure if that’s allowed…I now theorize that there’s a connection between the use of the left brain and fertility.
Visit Maria’s Bonnie’s site and read her profile. She’s an overachiever in the most basic form of the word. The only thing she ever came up short on was her choice of college.
Bonnie and Bruce are from Michigan, so I assumed they were Catholic. This would explain the super-brood but Bonnie assures me they are not. I’m from Michigan myself so I know that a non-Catholic family of 13 from that state is like a non-Mormon family from Utah or a non-Baptist family from Georgia. It isn’t impossible, but highly unlikely.
Anyway, what amazes me is not that Bonnie can maintain a blog and raise 11 kids while playing her Cello along with all the other things she does. No…what amazes me is that she’s nice. I would think that having that many kids and so many things to do would make a woman insane (jury’s still out on that) and at least a little bitter or angry or resentful…something other than nice!
I’ve tried for a while to think of something I could say to Bonnie and Bruce that would make sense but any insightful or profound thought I may have would more than likely sound like foolery compared to what they’ve endured.
All I can come up with is “Get a different hobby”.
There exists a family in Washington that has gone beyond my understanding of normalcy. In fact, I have to reassess my perspective of the universe when I consider the lives they lead.
The Mother of this family has a blog and should you visit, genuflection is in order, for you have taken audience with the Queen of parent Blogs.
No, I’m not referring to Genuine, I’m referring to Bonnie at Belle On Her Toes. Bonnie and Husband Bruce have 11 kids…on purpose. This is something I cannot wrap my mind around. Every time I try to comprehend 11 kids, I just think, “That’s a lot of poop” and “that’s a lot of attitude” and “that’s a lot of money”. Their kids range in age from 6 - 24 years.
Man, that’s a lot of kids.
Bonnie and her kids could fill the chairs for first and second violin in the Boston Symphony. Which is fitting since Bonnie is a classical musician. She’s also a fan of Maria Von Trapp. I suspect her fascination with the sinTrapp Family Singers coupled with a love of classical music led her to birth a chamber choir. Maybe there’s a musical agenda of which we are all unaware.
Bruce is a violinist, and engineer. This guy is using both sides of his brain. I’m not sure if that’s allowed…I now theorize that there’s a connection between the use of the left brain and fertility.
Visit Maria’s Bonnie’s site and read her profile. She’s an overachiever in the most basic form of the word. The only thing she ever came up short on was her choice of college.
Bonnie and Bruce are from Michigan, so I assumed they were Catholic. This would explain the super-brood but Bonnie assures me they are not. I’m from Michigan myself so I know that a non-Catholic family of 13 from that state is like a non-Mormon family from Utah or a non-Baptist family from Georgia. It isn’t impossible, but highly unlikely.
Anyway, what amazes me is not that Bonnie can maintain a blog and raise 11 kids while playing her Cello along with all the other things she does. No…what amazes me is that she’s nice. I would think that having that many kids and so many things to do would make a woman insane (jury’s still out on that) and at least a little bitter or angry or resentful…something other than nice!
I’ve tried for a while to think of something I could say to Bonnie and Bruce that would make sense but any insightful or profound thought I may have would more than likely sound like foolery compared to what they’ve endured.
All I can come up with is “Get a different hobby”.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Well, it’s here: the most romantic day of the year. Today is the day we’ve set aside to show our significant other just how much we care.
What will you get your loved one this year? Chocolates? Flowers?
I have to admit; I don’t get it. I see nothing romantic about waiting an hour for a table in a crowded restaurant. Yes, I understand how to make reservations, but that won’t make the place any less populated. It’s difficult to be alone in a room full of people.
I think that if I need a day such as Valentine’s to show Mrs. Muzikdude how I feel then I’m falling down on the job as a husband on a daily basis. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be willing to commercialize our relationship if I thought it would help. I mean, I could buy into the whole card/flowers/chocolate buy-my-love thing but we’ve been together far too long for that to impress her. After 18 years, trying to impress her is like trying to blame my flatulence on the dogs; it's futile.
Our plans are to avoid the commercial I-need-to-win-her-over crowds and we’ll do it together…at home…watching a movie like “The Notebook” or one of the greatest love stories of all time; “Shrek 2”. I'll look over at her at the end of the movie and say "I love you" she'll respond with, "I know, I love you too".
What more do you need?
Together, we decided that Valentine’s Day is the biggest waste of money there is. We prefer to celebrate our love throughout the year rather than all at once in a designated 24-hour period. That’s right folks; at Muzikdude’s house, everyday is Valentine’s Day.
Ok…maybe not so much, but we really feel that, for us, Valentine’s Day is more superficial than the shallowest depths of our marriage. We’ll be together…we’ll be in love…and we’ll save our money
This is our choice and I wouldn't mean to insult anyone else's idea of romance.
I would like to clarify that it is not my intention to down play the significance of Valentine's day. After all, it is the day her and I met.
What will you get your loved one this year? Chocolates? Flowers?
I have to admit; I don’t get it. I see nothing romantic about waiting an hour for a table in a crowded restaurant. Yes, I understand how to make reservations, but that won’t make the place any less populated. It’s difficult to be alone in a room full of people.
I think that if I need a day such as Valentine’s to show Mrs. Muzikdude how I feel then I’m falling down on the job as a husband on a daily basis. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be willing to commercialize our relationship if I thought it would help. I mean, I could buy into the whole card/flowers/chocolate buy-my-love thing but we’ve been together far too long for that to impress her. After 18 years, trying to impress her is like trying to blame my flatulence on the dogs; it's futile.
Our plans are to avoid the commercial I-need-to-win-her-over crowds and we’ll do it together…at home…watching a movie like “The Notebook” or one of the greatest love stories of all time; “Shrek 2”. I'll look over at her at the end of the movie and say "I love you" she'll respond with, "I know, I love you too".
What more do you need?
Together, we decided that Valentine’s Day is the biggest waste of money there is. We prefer to celebrate our love throughout the year rather than all at once in a designated 24-hour period. That’s right folks; at Muzikdude’s house, everyday is Valentine’s Day.
Ok…maybe not so much, but we really feel that, for us, Valentine’s Day is more superficial than the shallowest depths of our marriage. We’ll be together…we’ll be in love…and we’ll save our money
This is our choice and I wouldn't mean to insult anyone else's idea of romance.
I would like to clarify that it is not my intention to down play the significance of Valentine's day. After all, it is the day her and I met.
posted by Müzikdüde at 2/14/2005 07:08:00 AM