I want to spread some holiday cheer but I need your help. If you have a post about the holidays, leave a comment or an excerpt below with a link to your post so we can all enjoy it.
Monday, February 28, 2005
I can devour an entire box of these things at one sitting. I’m hooked, but I
have to wait for 12 months to get another fix. Everybody knows that this is an
annual drive so when it’s time to buy again, they stock up. The Girl Scout’s
marketing genius is second only to pushers, pimps, and Trump. They know how to sell.
Just like crack, these cookies bring the Scouts a 500% profit margin but
we’re happy to pay the price because it’s the only way to stop the night
tremors and cold sweat. The Girl Scouts own America. One day, you’ll get a
phone call from a little girl who whispers an operative phrase that triggers a
post hypnotic suggestion. Next thing you know, you’ll be running around in a
skirt selling cookies to your neighbors…or guns to the local street gang…or
oil to the U.N.
No one will think anything of it because we will all be in the same
mindless stupor. We are on the road to becoming Girl Scout zombies and it’s
all due to these overpriced devil disks covered with chocolate and a hint of
mint. We’ll wake up in the morning with chocolate all over our face, hands and
clothing and no memory of the previous evening’s events. Your urge to call the
police will be suppressed by a stronger urge to have a shortcake cookie with
your morning coffee.
The only “people” not affected by these morsels of evil are the Girl Scouts
themselves. Like any successful cartel, they don’t consume their own product.
I have Australian friends who would contend that this merely effects the U.S…tell
me that the next time you’re sucking coffee through a Tim Tam. I believe this is
an attempt by the Girl Scouts to go international.
So tell me, which Girl Scout Cookie are you addicted to?
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