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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
I’m driving a 1985 Subaru GL with 180 THOUSAND miles on it. He could blow me away on a tricycle. So I figure what the heck, I'll boost this kids ego by giving him a race he can win.
The light turned green and we went for it. I poured every bit of the 50 some-odd horsepower available to me into this speed contest. The acceleration was exhilerating (or something like that). Oddly enough, I beat him off the line and it took awhile for him to overtake me.
He was owned.
Then I was blindsided by the enlightenment of what had just happened.
This little freak show has spent probably $5000 to make his car look fast but has done nothing to make it run fast. He’s driving a car that was made by a company that used to produce nothing but motorcycles… which is probably why his $500 exhaust sounds like a moto-cross bike. Apparently, low profile tires, led dash lighting, 2000 watt stereo, and chain steering wheel do nothing for a car’s performance. Oh how I wish I still had my 1973 Coronet RT with the 440 magnum and stock ram air. Although I think it was much more satisfying to use my junk yard rejection to embarrass Mr. my-car-looks-cool-but-runs-like-ass.
When I was growing up, my cars were all muscle cars because that's what was available on the used car market. They didn’t always look the greatest but my friends and I knew how to work on engines. Our cars were fast. But these days kids are more worried about looking cool. Why is that? Because they don’t want to take the time to learn how to work on a car. They just sit around waiting to be Overhauled or Pimped.
I know that money isn’t an issue because they have that $1500 Maaco paint job and the $200 peel-and-stick graphics. That’s $1700 that they could have put toward a supercharger. Of course, the low profile tires are necessary for better handling…like they’ll need better handling in a car that can’t break the 40mph speed barrier.
These mental giants watch movies like The Fast And The Furious and suddenly they think they are Vin Diesel because they can afford a paint job. In The Fast And The Furious they talk about a 5 second street racer. I laughed, it must be a top fuel dragster…a 5 second, street legal car is pure fantasy…
Side note: Vin Diesel's actual name is Mark Vincent. Why change it to something as stupid as Vin Diesel?
Anyway, back to the wannabes: I’m sure there are kids out there that have $50,000 to dump into a Japanese import to make it as fast as a Hollywood fantasy car but they are few and far between. There is nothing wrong with a kid wanting his car to look cool but he needn’t drive it like it has substantial horse power. He’s only setting himself up to be embarrassed.
Tell me; would you rather have a fast car that looks like a wreck or a hot looking car that can't live up to it's image?
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