I want to spread some holiday cheer but I need your help. If you have a post about the holidays, leave a comment or an excerpt below with a link to your post so we can all enjoy it.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
We’ve already established that I like beer, I like to shoot guns, and I like to watch “American Chopper”. I’m a “man’s man”, so to speak. I have every power tool known to the human race. I watch football. I like big trucks. Yup…nothing girlie about this guy. But we all have narrow escapes in life and I’m no exception. This is my story.When I came home from work today I decided to sit in a bathtub of hot water and try to rid myself of the headache I’ve developed over the course of the day. This is not unusual for me… until today that is. I’m not sure what came over me. It might have been my weakened physical state or maybe my headache was evidence of a mild stroke. All I know is that I had wandered into territory I swore I would never traverse. That’s right…I went through my wife’s basket of bath goodies. I was enticed by the aromatherapy candles. I was drawn to the prismatic colors of bath beads. I was seduced by the ornate labels on the bottles of body wash. I was weak and vulnerable. However, in my exploration, I discovered why she keeps these things hidden in a basket. She feels I don’t deserve the luxury.
I was strong. I left her things as I found them…well, almost. I broke down and tried the Vanilla Brown Sugar Moisturizing Body Wash. I put a few drops on the buff puff and lathered up. All I can say is; Woohoo! Frost my layers and blow out my candles because I’m feeling like a birthday cake! Who wouldn’t want a slice of me, baby! I emerged from the bath feeling downright edible. My senses were in a state of confusion as the fragrances of dessert oozed from my pores. I exited the bathroom to see the dog staring at me as if I were a 190-pound steak but I didn’t care. I felt like a new man.
Then reality set in and I realized that I’ve taken a giant step toward the world of the metrosexual male. I’m confident, however, that this was just experimental; a phase if you will, that can be countered with a simple act such as cleaning a gun. I think I’ll go to the garage, plug in a router and route something for a while. Then I’ll sharpen my knife and go wrangle me a squirrel or something. For I am a man. I’ve never had a pedicure, manicure, or facial. I’m ok because I have man stuff and a bit of “me time” in the privacy of my own bathtub will not change that.
From now on, I use lye soap with pumice.
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