I want to spread some holiday cheer but I need your help. If you have a post about the holidays, leave a comment or an excerpt below with a link to your post so we can all enjoy it.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
There’s this team of shrinks with a blog that is touting Alvin and The Chipmunks as some sort of holiday heroes. What a bunch of quacks.
The chipmunks are demonic rodents. Listen to those voices. How did they make it in the music industry?
I'll tell you how...they had a little meeting at the crossroads and sold their soul to Santa...er...I mean, Satan.
And who is this Dave Seville guy? He's a sicko freak, that's who he is. He talks to rats and he books gigs for them. The funny thing is; people don’t question this. They actually let them cut albums. They even purchase their CDs. What is wrong with our species? Is it politically correct to include animals in the work force now? I think the tree hugging, bleeding hearts have finally gone too far.
I can’t believe there are recording studios out there that would turn me down but sign three mice on helium, singing songs that poison the minds of our youth. Dave Seville is the devil and the chipmunks are his demons.
Let’s look at one of their songs shall we?
Christmas, Christmas time is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast
Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.
Nothing says “I have no patience because Christmas is all about me” louder than this egocentric heap of trash. Is this the kind of subtle crap we want to pump into the heads of our children?
Take the line “we’ve been good but we can’t last”…really? Can’t last? Why not? What is it that you’re planning to do? Do you have some mischief that you’ve been holding back on until Satan…I mean, Santa comes and leaves you all kinds of toys?
Now, I understand wanting a plane, but what would a chipmunk do with a hula hoop? Nothing! A chipmunk has no use for a hula hoop. It rhymes so they threw it in there. Talk about deceiving.
Ok…let’s get beyond Christmas and head off the other "songs" of the singing rat pack.
Here’s a good wholesome attitude for your kids to parrot:
ALVIN'S HARMONICA The Chipmunks
Note: David Seville is D, Alvin is A, Simon is S, Theodore is T,and the Chipmunks are CD...My comments are paranthetic:
Alvin, put that harmonica down. A:Why? (don't ask why you disrespectful little cat snack...) D:Because we're gonna sing, that's why. A:Not again! (How about you leave the group then and let a real musician take your place?) D:Never mind. Now look fellas, this is a pretty song so let's try notto goof it up. Are you ready, Simon? S:Sure, let's go. (Good attitude...but you're still a woodland rodent) D:All set, Theodore? T:Hot dog, you bet! (Hot dog? Who says "Hot dog" as an exclamitory statement anymore?) D:Are you ready, Alvin? Ready, Alvin? ALVIN!! A:Aw, nuts! (There ya go, Alvin! Showing your untamed desire to eat and store nuts...Go back to the forest and get out of my world) C:We sure like girls all kind of girlsFrom Anie to VeronicaWe like them small or fat or tall (The youth of the world is better off knowing this, you lust driven, leg humping, pervert) A:I wanna play my harmonica! (They don't want you to play it because YOU SUCK) D:Now cut that out. C:And everyone to get a kiss We take them through for popcorn Because they always fall in love (What? This makes no sense whatsoever...what is this stupid little creature talking about? Is this a subliminal? Lust) A:When I play my harmonicorn (sic)! (Harmonicorn? What the hell is a Harmonicorn? I think he's referring to a harmonicon which is often used in Hindu music...some musician Alvin turned out to be eh?) D:Alvin!! (Dave's about to throw some rodent abuse Alvin's way...do you feel the anger? Let's teach our children to yell when they're upset, that way they can be just like daddy when he yells at Mommy after one of his drinking binges)
What a role model this Alvin character is eh? No wonder raising kids is so difficult; they are taught that disrespect is not only ok, but it’s humorous.
Oh, I could go on…but I don’t want to sensationalize the popularity of these little disease vectors. Bad chipmunks…baaaaaaaaad!
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